The road to relapse

Well, it happened. 10 months into my journey and a bit of over-confidence, people-pleasing, and some old fashioned anxiety ended up getting the better of me. I ended up at a boys golf weekend down in north carolina and ultimately caved after 48 hours of watching guys just absolutely mutilate themselves with drugs & alcohol. What are my lessons learned? A few things I guess. Looking back on it now, I was feeling GUILTY af about leaving for the weekend because I had been gone the weekend before, and I KNEW this was going to be a booze fest. I just knew it. The red flags were there, as people said they would be. Looking back on it now, I'm not as ashamed and angry at myself as I was for the first few days, week or so. But it still hurts. I feel like I've gone back to ground zero sometimes, and I hate (sucks to admit) hearing people clapping eachother on the back for reaching milestones, 1 yr this, 28 year this, etc. And I'm the old like 3 weeker, maybe 1 month now, who knows, bottom line it sucks. But I'm back, I was honest, I told everyone, and I feel like I did the damage control to the best of my ability. I've given the running analogy to a few people and I'll break it down, as my wife is an accomplished marathon runner. When she is training for a big race, she puts in the weeks, and the months. If she were to slip for 1 day, its not like her body, mind, or resolve goes back to ground zero. She has one day off and she is mad about it, but her body and soul don't know the difference. The training puts you ahead of the game and thats the way I feel. So I'm going with that. I have to go with that. No use drowning in guilt and shame and self pity. Love you guys (doubt anyone reads this - but oh well).