this idea was introduced me to a friend recently. i have to applaud him, actually, for saying that HE had it, in the full spirt of authenticity. in any event, I think its something that a lot of people have. i certainly have it at times. that feeling like say - in a job for example - or like, heading into that big pitch - oak board room and stupid power point decks under your arm - no matter what, and i mean like no matter f*cking what, you feel like an imposter. i've held a variety of jobs in my life and like, no matter how good i am at something, or how much i prepare (or both), i mean honestly there is a pretty good gd chance i know something gd ice cold....and i sit down at that big table and think to myself "holy f*cking shit, these guys are going to figure me out". like, to a Tee (sp?). To a TEE I feel that way. and here's the really insane part. most of the time, and i mean nearly all of the time (knock wood), the meeting goes really, really well. soooo, yeah. alright well now that we have this narrative chugging along, lets play it forward a few more steps on the monopoly board. schedule next meeting - prepare for next meeting (e.g. freak the fuck out, maybe lets call that FTFO) - prepare, prepare, prepare..... - enter next meeting. cold sweat. oh shit. they're going to know. they're doing to figure out im just a dumb piece of sh*t. this is gonna be really embarassing. why did i even come here? am i gonna pss myself? ok that part not really, but it made me laugh a little. ok so pitch begins......aaaaaaand, it goes well. leave the meeting. feel relieved. schedule next meeting - you get it. what the F is up with this? why is there no muscle memory here? or, let me ask the tough question, do some people who just AREN'T imposters just like nail every meeting and NOT have to prepare? am i doing OK just because i study really hard? maybe these other people are the ones who got the 97% on the test and didnt open the book. friggin jerks. oh well, they probably suck anyways. right guys? ...... guys ..... ok darlings, thats it from me today, your friendly imposter, jamie. lots of love.
"imposter syndrome"
Updated: Jan 19, 2021
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