and why is it so important to me? well, i'm starting to find that being authentic is pretty rad. like, really rad. we will explore why this is such a novel concept to me as a thirty-six year old with a wife, baby, house, and dog later. in any event i have started experimenting with being 100% authentic, and telling my actual truth. and guess what? each time i do it, i feel this little ember inside of me start to glow. not feeling your best? shit lets try that again: feeling god damn f*cking terrible and so anxious you can feel your skin crawling? when someone asks you how you're doing, tell them you're having a hard time today. tell them you're feeling sad, or worried, or anxious. better yet: tell them these things and then tell them (if its true) that you don't even know why you're feeling that way. try that. try that and see if you feel better. try that and see how relieved you feel. not feeling up for that dinner or drinks or that family gathering/occasion or work event? well, you know what - you're just tired man. you had a long day, you're beat, you want to go home and hang out with your family and netflix, and you're just not gonna make it (but thanks for the look). try that over making up some fantastical story about some conflict, some bs, something that in all likelihood will end up biting you in the ass down the road anyways. here's another good mark twain quote about the truth, and i just f*cking love this one: "if you tell the truth you don't have to remember anything." the amount of new headspace that is created when you tell the truth is mind-boggling. truth telling is like a super efficient email system with dope-ass wifi. stuff goes in the inbox, it gets processed, and it goes out of the outbox. and guess what: its out. its like, really out. and then you can go on. half truths sit there and fester gathering mold like some putrid draft email that you haven't finished yet because its not perfect or its too long or oh wait what if they don't like me now and and now oh shit the service sucks and it wont send - sorry got lost there. i think you get it though. truth telling rocks. but why is this, any of this, like, a light-bulb moment for me?
well for starters, i kind of suck at it. i know you're not supposed to talk about yourself like that, but its kinda true...so um, yeah? i don't really blame myself for it though, at least not 100%. many Players had (have?) a role....be they people, surroundings, schools, societal norms blah blah blah. in any event, for oh i don't know, my whole life (?), i was indoctrinated into the religion of "Being OK". being OK is what WASPs strive for (side-note: i do not identify as one). being OK is the core of the wasp existence and the life raft which it clings to. secrets are better kept inside, same goes for fear - so yep you can cross that off your list too - you know what while we're at it you may as well strike struggles, identity issues, addiction.......shit, were gonna need longer than 30 minutes here. in any event, if you're gonna take being OK seriously, and i can not stress this enough, for god's sake do not tell anyone that you are anything, and i mean anything, other than "OK". your inbox just got full and isn't accepting new emails.
i want to keep practicing telling my truth, telling my actual truth, and being open and genuine and honest and authentic. maybe i will get better at it, and hey who knows, maybe it will even get me somewhere :).
Comentarios